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Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Crazy, Sexy, Cool...

 Image result for floating on a river

I have a friend that I enjoy following on social media because she makes me laugh, she's doing the shit that she thinks is cool and having a great time - floating in a river drinking a beer and canoodling her husband - girls trips to Palm Springs - vacationing with her 90-something grandmother who likes to sip tequila and wear party hats - catching her teenage boys doing the silly things teenage boys do - building things in the garage - always surrounded by people who love her and her beautiful family. I have a fond affection for her. We rarely get together but I know it will be great when we do, I'm looking forward to it. Her nickname is "Julie the Cruise Director" like from "Love Boat". She's crazy, sexy and cool in all the right ways, with a wicked sense of humor.

Today she slipped away. Gone, just like that.

When I opened up Facebook this morning, there it was - the note from another friend that said "Rest in peace Jill", and suddenly I couldn't breathe.

I re-read her blog this morning over and over, bawling my way through it, pausing to get the tissues. At 48 she began writing about her 2-year journey through colon cancer complete with diagrams and photographs, giving full personalities to her doctors, nurses and technicians from diagnosis through treatment and while the story is long, ugly and painful, she had great care and she kept me laughing and hopeful all the way through.

I remember a couple of years ago when I heard from a mutual friend that she was having some health issues and that she was wanting to keep it very private, she didn't want everyone to know. I immediately felt a sense of "no, not her, please not her". I reached out anyway to let her know I was thinking about her and wishing her the best. She thanked me and said she felt comforted knowing that so many people cared and said that she was "putting one foot in front of the other and smiling". She had come to terms with it. I haven't.

I have to remind myself to breathe...the sadness is immeasurable.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016


It's Fall, y'all. And you know what that means...

The kids are back in school, vacation is over and new television series' are on!

People ask "are you watching ______?" Whatever it is, I'm probably not watching it but I have started watching Viceland. Wow! You can click here and check it out Viceland - or watch online for free if you don't have cable.

It's a channel, not just a show or series, and it has me hooked. There are regular segments on intriguing issues like weed, the blackmarket, being gay around the world, food, wine and nature to name a few, but the difference is it's entertainment that's enlightening. It's perspective is youthful, modern and intelligent. I can feel something, learn something and find something incredibly powerful in just about everything I watch. It's real stories in the real world about real people and it offers real insight. It surprises me and entertains me at the same time - it's "infotainment".

Go ahead, check it out, all the cool kids are doing it. Maybe even call the number on your screen and leave them a message letting them know what you think. It will certainly give you something new and interesting to talk about over Thanksgiving dinner this year. And we all could use something new and interesting to talk about.


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Setting the Bar

Some years ago I heard about an absurd, but intriguing, dating ritual called "Speed Dating" organized with the intention of introducing single adults to each other in the most bizarrely perfect way. It was musical chairs in 5-minute intervals. I dared myself to make a reservation for a session taking place in about 2 weeks near me. It was a stretch for me to try something like this on, but I wanted to be brave. It was on my calendar!

I had second thoughts, doubts, outrageously stressful moments leading up to the event.  It was all so unnerving. I was petrified about meeting 15 or more people all in one event. I wasn't the outgoing, extroverted, social butterfly that could walk into a room full of strangers and feel comfortable introducing myself and striking up random conversations. That's who I wished I could be. What if no one wanted to meet me? What if I froze and couldn't speak? What if I wasn't interesting enough, pretty enough, smart enough? I was self-conscious, nervous... and curious. What if?

I decided I would go by myself, opting not to bring the supportive friend to join me. I would be completely on my own in a singles scene for the first time. It felt like I was taking a stand for my independence in life, in finding love, and trusting myself.

Those weeks before the event when I was preoccupied with uneasiness,  I reminded myself there'd be booze and men so I wondered, how different could it be from the usual dating scene? Perhaps instead of talking to just one awkward guy, I might have an opportunity to talk to 15 of them! Just kidding... that's not really what I thought. I believed that there was someone out there for everyone, a soul mate, a forever partner, and I was hopeful - worried and anxious, but hopeful.

The closer the calendar inched toward the event, the more clear I became in creating a strategy for handling these feelings. I remembered reading somewhere that when you're nervous about a meeting with someone else, to shift your thinking to being aware of how nervous the other person might be about meeting you. In shifting your focus to making them feel more comfortable, you would be less able to focus on your own anxiety. It's a simple game of distraction. If you're thinking about one thing that is contrary to the other thing, then the other thing loses it's power. There just wouldn't be enough room to entertain both ideas simultaneously. It was about choosing one over the other.

Based on this philosophy, I imagined taking it a step further and examining who I really wanted to be when I sat across the table from each new person. I discovered that I believed that everyone, each and every person, was worth 5 minutes of my time. I wanted to be able to relax a little, be comfortable in my own skin so that I could be gracious, engaged and curious about each new person I'd be meeting for the first time. I let go of the notion that I should expect to meet someone to fall in love with and instead I wanted to fall in love with meeting people that I might not otherwise have an opportunity to meet. The deal I made with myself was to say "yes" to people I found interesting.

I arrived on time and checked in with the hostess who was smiling and encouraging. She explained the procedure and asked if I'd like to get myself a drink before getting started. The bar was two people deep and all but a few of the chairs were turned, like a gallery, facing the event about to commence. It was the optimal place to be for supportive friends and gawkers to watch the show unfold and lend encouragement to those approaching the bar with a subtle wave for the bartender signaling "another one, please" between shifts. I ordered a glass of wine and stood by waiting for my first table assignment.

Our instructions were to introduce ourselves, find something to talk about and start to get to know each other, ever so briefly, establishing first impressions about the person across from us and then presto! It was time to stand up while the partner stayed seated, and move to the next table to the left. We were to sit with that person for 5 minutes and do it all over again, and then again, and again. I tried on my new idea and each new meeting came and went pretty smoothly. There were score cards to write notations but before I'd get a chance to make any notes, it was already time to switch it up and move over to the left again. Next!

Some felt like our time together was cut short, for others it seemed just right and for a couple I honestly thought 5 minutes was waaaay too long. That was a little surprising for me - 5 minutes was definitely an exercise in serving time in an awkward situation but it was less painful knowing that it was almost over.

The gift in this experience wasn't in meeting Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right Now - it was that it changed how I meet people - forever. Being the person who is focusing on the comfort of others has calmed my nerves and helps me enjoy the wonder of it all, that our paths are crossing. My expectations aren't to immediately know how to assign anyone fitting into any particular role, I just enjoy letting things unfold, naturally.  I don't set an intention to meet someone for this or that, just to meet someone interesting, and that's all. And that's enough.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

The pleasure is all mine...

So I write this blog... if we haven't yet met, it's a great starting point in getting to know me a little before meeting me in person. It's a collection of thoughts and stories about me and my experiences - a glimpse into my personality. I imagine it will give us some things to talk about when we're together. My expectation isn't that you'll read every page or that you'll share my views or agree with me, but that you'll find something interesting, inspiring or informative, something that connects us, and that even with our differences we will be able to come together and enjoy each others' company and conversation. I hope that you'll find it's been a nice dalliance of your time... and that the pleasure of meeting you will be all mine (wink!).

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Have An Amazing Encounter...

Charm me with your wit, intelligence and humor.
Delight me with your companionship. 
Seduce me with your subtleness.
Indulge me as a your partner in desire.
Engage me as your confidant.
Surprise me with your thoughtfulness.

Timing is everything, advanced planning is best.

What's Sexy Now - Men's Fragrance

Just a hint, here or there...barely.

I know what I like when it sneaks up on me - it will ignite my imagination and instantly kick my attraction up to another level. A clean, just showered, genuinely fresh scent is always welcome, in fact it's where everything should always start. (Pssssst, while you're in there, don't forget to shave or trim down there too. Yes, seriously!)

Personally I prefer a whisper of something a little more complex, definitely masculine with a suggestion of elegance. It should set you apart as cool, interesting and sexy in an understated way - the best kind.

The cologne you choose should enhance your appeal, becoming part of your magnetism like your wit and charm. When you find one that captivates her, that has her noticing and snuggling a little closer, that's the one. It could even become your signature scent.

Since whatever you wear will be slightly different, unique for you once it's on, here are some suggestions that have highly favorable reviews with women. Try them and see what happens!

Ralph Lauren Red or Black Polo
John Varvatos Artisan
Giorgio Armani Acqua di Gio
Gucci Guilty
Issey Miyaki Sport
Dolce & Gabbana Pour Homme
Tommy Hilfiger
Versace Versus
Chanel Bleu

Happy seducing - wink!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

I'm Gonna Soak Up The Sun

I'm heading out on a road trip this week, driving north from L.A. relaxing and making the drive at my leisure, enjoying the rugged coastal scenery, gazing at the sparkling ocean and stopping whenever and wherever I please; a roadside fruit stand, Hearst Castle, and some time on the beach popping open my beach chair, basking in the warm sun and taking a quick dip in the cool ocean. I'll perfect that beachy-wave in my mermaid hair, singing along to Lana del Rey's "West Coast" on my iPod and perhaps I'll meet someone new to sip a glass of wine with - I like the possibilities.

I'll be spending the weekend visiting with one of my favorite girlfriends in San Mateo that I've neglected for too long, and I'll venture into the City to meet some like-minded ladies for a "Strumpet Brunch" one afternoon. It will be fun to catch up and even better to soak up the sun and drive with no particular schedule or itinerary except that I will be happy cruising along, creating postcards in my mind, thankful for the time I took that one Summer to just enjoy the intoxicating journey.