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Thursday, July 21, 2011

You've gotta start somewhere...

I have to start somewhere so I'll start with an interview I participated in several years ago. It will help set the picture of what my thoughts are and perhaps provide a little insight into who I am.

  1. What is your professional name? Lacey Stevens website: www.LaceyStevens.com email: LaceyStevensCA@gmail.com Twitter: @LaceyStevens
  2. What city do you work in? Los Angeles and Orange County, some travel locally (Las Vegas, San Francisco, San Diego, Palm Springs, Santa Barbara)
  3. At what age did you engage in your first professional sexual experience? 40, (that cracks me up!)
  4. Describe your first professional sexual experience: I started looking at ads on Craigslist Erotic section because I was curious and amused after stumbling upon them. I originally was looking for a tutor for math for my daughter, and some office furniture. I looked at them, both men for women and women for men, for a couple of weeks.  I started to see patterns and noticed what I was attracted to and what I wasn't.  I wondered if it would be as exciting and fun as I imagined it could be and bravely replied to an ad.  I was attracted to him and his picture and writing style.  We had exchanged emails and photos beforehand and set up a meeting at his office after hours in Beverly Hills.  I was extremely nervous but kept telling myself this was just like any other date and I could always leave anytime I wanted, in fact, I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do.  That really helped me to feel empowered and in control.  Upon meeting him, he informed me that I wasn't at all what he was expecting.  I wasn't slutty or dumb, I wasn't strung out on anything and I seemed to have a lot going for myself.  He said I was the type of girl he'd actually date and take home to meet the parents.  He said he usually has young girls over to the office and has sex with them right there.  About that time I saw a mouse run across the floor, pulled my feet up onto my seat and said, "yeah, that's not happening here."  We decided to go around the corner for a margarita, chatted and kissed a little.  It was fun and it was just like being on a great first date.  We had a lot in common - music, kids, work, etc.  We were also the same age.  He invited me to come back to his place to fool around which we did - it was all very "high school", we left our clothes on, making out, hands roaming under garments and finally some great oral.  Afterwards he paid me and included an extra tip, walked me to my car and kissed me good-bye.  I felt exhilarated, sexy, independent and satisfied.  I thought I was a genius.  I still do.
  5. At what age did you entertain the first thoughts of going into sex work?  I thought I wanted to be a madame when I was in high school after reading a book by the Mayor of Sausalito, Sally Stanford.  It wasn't until my long term boyfriend accused me of not caring about him and only caring about his money because I wanted to marry him.  We'd had a child together many years before and were still in love and hanging out a lot so it seemed like a no-brainer to me, but he preferred the distance between us so I thanked him for "making me feel like a whore", a dramatization I blurted during an argument.  Upon careful consideration a couple of years later, I was thankful that we didn't marry and embraced being single, sexy and independent.  I re-evaluated what I wanted in life and a husband wasn't necessarily the goal for me, happiness was.  I began to question whether the traditional models of "happiness" by society's standards really worked for me - they didn't.  So I set out to define them for myself, my way.
  6. What made you decide to enter the line of work you’re in?  I had spent some time getting back into the dating world only to be greatly disappointed in the pool of men who were available to me.  My career as a real estate agent was quickly grinding to a halt and my cash flow was in need of improvement.  I wondered if I could put the two things together, mix business and pleasure, in a way that worked for me - not like any model I'd seen before.  I had concluded that the model of a traditional marriage or relationship wasn't for me, at least not for now, and I also knew that the stereotype of a mistress, escort or prostitute wasn't for me either.  I wanted to create my own, unique vision.  I began by perusing websites and reading books "Sex Secrets of Escorts" was the most helpful in confirming that I had the right mindset for this type of encounter.  I began cautiously and called it my "experiment".  Was it possible to meet and date guys who I was genuinely interested in, have a great time, and get paid for it?  That would work for me!
  7. What do you enjoy most about your work? Meeting very interesting, intelligent, professional, sexy people that I genuinely like and enjoy spending time with - oh, and the sex is better than I could have ever imagined or hoped for.  Turns out that if he's willing to pay for it, it's pretty important to him and likely he's good at it.
  8. What do you like the least about your work? The safety concerns, the people who overstep boundaries and believe that they are "the one" for me.
  9. Does your family know what you do?  If so, what do they think?  I shared with my aunt and she's very supportive. My daughter doesn't know, but she knows I'm single and I date so I don't lie about going out.  A few friends know, most are supportive but don't want to talk about it or hear about it so I keep it to myself.
  10. How much longer do you think you’ll do what you’re doing now, and what are your plans for when you quit?  I'll do it until I don't want to do it anymore.  Likely I'll get busier with work and eventually build up a portfolio of real estate investments for myself (rentals) so I can retire with a passive income. 
  11. If you had to go back and tell your younger self that you’d be doing what you’re doing now, what do you think your younger self would say about it? "Unbelievable" knowing what the general pubic perception is of this kind of work.  Being able to do it my way is what makes the difference for me now.  And I think the happy, satisfied, independent, empowered, intelligent women in this business are not either believed or visible enough to change the misconceptions about the industry.  It's such a guarded secret here in the U.S. that the mystery breeds a very dark and devious perception that couldn't be further from the truth for me.
  12. What advice would you give someone who was looking to get into your line of sex work? Like anything else, be smart, do your homework, be realistic; ask yourself the hard questions and be honest about what you are hoping for, have an end result in mind that is inspiring and motivating.  I think anytime you do what you enjoy, it's not work at all.  Getting paid should be a bonus.
I didn't come into this from a dance or film background. I did do some modeling when I was very young, though.  I have worked in an office as an executive myself for my entire career and continue to work while I "date".  I am a single mom that totally loves being a mother and is most proud of herself for being good at it.  I volunteer with children's groups and coach/teach real estate professionals.  I like to think of this as how I date now, while also providing an alternative kind of therapy.  (Being a therapist was something I considered as a career - I enjoy helping others.)  I find my dating to be very therapeutic for both my clients and for me - sex is healthy, normal, natural and it's good for you!  My typical client is usually 40-60 years old, professional/executive/business owner, married with kids, college educated, looking to meet someone for one reason or another who can be a true companion - someone to talk to, have dinner with, travel with, etc.  I typically spend multiple hours with them when we meet.  We are genuinely friends with benefits (and boundaries) and I like that.  It's not for everybody, nothing is, but it works for me and has exceeded my best expectations.

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