I'm lucky to be one of the truly happy ones. (Well, most of the time - I'm not super-human!) How do I do it? Practice. Yeah, like I think I'm responsible for it. I'm not expecting someone or something to make me happy any more than I'm expecting someone or something to make me unhappy. I take responsibility for creating it for myself every day, over and over again. It's the only real, sustainable happiness there is. It's not always natural and it's not always easy. But is it worth it? Absofuckinglutely. Because I'm worth it.
Happiness is something that spills over into everything else in our lives. It affects how we do anything - and how we do everything. It reaches those we have contact with, those we love, those we work with, and those we live with. It feels good, looks good and it's contagious. Why wouldn't we want to be happy? And if we're going to be having an impact on those around us anyway (and we do!) shouldn't we be deliberate about it?
Figuring out what makes us happy is tricky. It's important to define what happiness is for each of us, and it's not the same for everyone because we're not all the same. "Don't believe everything you think" was sort of how I approached it. It was a real surprise that when I essentially took everything out of what I thought it should be or look like, it was like emptying out the overstuffed closet, then put it all back together the way I wanted it to be - the way I saw it without blindly accepting what I had been taught or told or expected, it looked very different. And it felt comfortable, like it belonged to me. I didn't want to keep someone else's idea of what happiness is without examining it thoroughly for myself.
I'm still "trying things on" everyday. Sometimes they work for me and sometimes they don't. It was this single exercise that gave me the biggest breakthrough in being happy consistently. I continue to question everything before accepting it as my own and I encourage everyone to try things on for themselves. You can always change it up.
I like to keep it simple. I once had a career coach who presented an exercise in gratitude that I've maintained ever since. It's one of two highly effective tools I have for creating my own happiness. She called it the "10/10" list. On one side of the paper I was to write down 10 things I'm most grateful for, on the other side, 10 things I want the universe to bring me. (I didn't have to have a clear understanding of how those things would show up. I was just letting the universe know they're on my radar.) She said the 10/10 list could change as often as I like, even daily. Since then I've found that the first column stays basically the same.
I'm thankful for:
1. my daughter, I'm proud of her and of my parenting
2. the dog, she reminds me everyday what happiness looks like
3. my home, it's perfect for me
4. my health, I feel great
5. music, it's like a drug - it transcends me
6. my attitude, I am confident and resourceful
7. companionship, love and support of people I admire
8. having everything I need and most of what I want
9. making a positive difference in the lives of others
10. my opportunities - I can do anything I want and I love learning
The other column, the one I want the universe to bring me, changes more often but always includes three things: "perfect clients" (nice people who appreciate my work), a place I want to visit, and something new I want to learn. Sometimes it lists more immediate goals or needs, often times it's about what I want for other people but mostly it's a list of those things that bring me joy and satisfaction. Just the exercise of thinking about it and writing it is inspiring for me. Then I keep it handy, near my bed, and I look at it and re-read it from time to time. She instructed me to read it daily and sometimes I do. It makes such a difference!
One year I wrote that I wanted to become more globally aware. I subscribed to papers that covered world news, joined an organization called "The World Affairs Council" and started attending their speaker presentations, and basically kept myself open to finding interest in the rest of the world. It made for interesting conversations and some self-reflection. Of course not all of the news is "rosey" or inspiring - some of it is quite upsetting - but overall, as an experience, I'd rate it one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I didn't do it necessarily to find happiness, I did it for knowledge. And guess what? It makes me happy to be informed.
This year I'm cooking more and learning new recipes. It's not an earth-shattering new idea but it helps inspire me in my appreciation for my health and it makes me happy to be cooking such uncomplicated, delicious stuff that's good for me and good for my family. Maybe there's a cookbook in there somewhere, who knows...
The second thing I do is make a vision board. Visualizing it in my mind is what gives it momentum. I make one every year. It's a piece of black foam core poster board. On it I'll put up clippings that I've collected over the year in a file folder. Pages torn from magazines that represent a healthier lifestyle, quotes that inspire me (those are really powerful!), always some flowers because I love them and admiring the simple, beautiful things in life are precious to me, usually some goal oriented images whether they're stylish things to wear or home projects I want to tackle, destinations I want to travel to, and it all comes together into a beautiful, colorful collage that I keep in my dressing area at home. So when I'm getting ready everyday, I'm reminded of what makes me happy and the track I'm on to achieve whatever it is I'm after.
I've kept these boards over the years. They line the top shelf of my wall to wall closet. They're not just beautiful to look at, they're effective. I can point to each image and remember what it meant to me and how it became a reality, and I'm grateful and inspired all over again. It reminds me that I had a hand in all of the good stuff that showed up, and how lucky I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment