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Friday, February 22, 2013

Logic and Bullshit

I recently started one of those low carb, high protein diets intended to reset my metabolism so that I would not just lose a little weight, but be able to maintain it. I thought things were going pretty well until I was informed by the doctor and nurse that in fact I wasn't losing fast enough. I was stalling too much. I made the recommended adjustments to my regimen and was back on track. Then I stalled again. New recommendations were made and I followed them. There was more progress but now I'm stalled again. I told them this time I had the unusual experience of feeling especially hormonal. "I'm crying at the drop of a hat the past few days, I hate everyone and everything. This isn't like me at all. I have a headache, I'm shaky and irritable." To which, when pressed, I got this response; "It's okay. It sounds like you probably have a lot of emotions that you haven't dealt with that are coming up for you. Just journal, read the materials again and know that this is hard. I think you'll find that you'll have some great insights if your ego will allow you to see them and if you stop trying to sabotage yourself."

I'm sorry, my ego? Stop sabotaging myself? What were they talking about? Their insight into what they thought was going on didn't make any sense to me at all. I wondered if I was on hormonal overload this week, or maybe there was some other physiological phenomenon going on here. "Definitely not physiological," I was told "it's just emotional stuff coming up. It's your ego trying to sabotage you." I looked for something that might fit into this to journal about. I couldn't find anything. The suggestion to "keep looking, just journal some more..." was becoming more and more infuriating. I told them I just wanted relief. I wasn't asking to cheat on the diet, I just didn't want to feel this way, it wasn't natural for me. Their response was just to ride it out and they didn't know how long it would last, likely until I addressed whatever deep seeded issues I had and there's no telling when I'll learn my lessons.

Bullshit. That's what I thought. I could hear a little voice in my head saying "Well that's ridiculous, I've never heard of such a thing." I realize I don't know everything and that I don't know what I don't know but this...this just felt wrong. I consider myself a pretty smart and resourceful person. Probably the most resourceful person I know. Let's see if there's anything to this theory of theirs. I'll just Google some key words and see what shows up. I Googled HCG and irritability, weight loss and diet and irritability and low carb and irritability. There were studies galore documenting this very issue conducted by reputable sources like MIT and the Mayo Clinic, and yes it was common and yes there is relief. Why couldn't they have shared this information with me? Why did they make something so simple into something hard? Between bouts of tears and feeling irrational rage at the most stupid triggers, I read for a couple of days about the physiological changes that were occurring in my body at this stage of the diet. It made perfect sense. I reported my findings to the doctor and his nurse. They said they will research this information and get back to me.

Research this information? This seems like pretty basic information to know as a professional diet doctor and nurse. Their credibility jumped from my "cautiously trusted advisors" to "quack" status - (snaps fingers) just like that. What is is about people in positions of authority that lets them think that it's not only okay for them to bullshit people, but that their brand of bullshit can defy logic? When they finally got back to me, days later, I was told that this information was outdated and that I could believe whatever I wanted, if that made me feel better but that they would respectfully agree to disagree. Wow. The information I sent was from 2008 but referenced a previous study from the 70's that it supported, but okay - they'd rather believe that I was emotionally disturbed than consider another logical probability. They were really steeped in this bullshit!

I'm naturally logical and drawn to information and learning. I'm not saying that we all don't have our "issues" and "lessons" to learn, we do. I'm saying that I think mine are pretty much on track at this point and my ego is right where I think it should be. I'm a work in progress, like everyone else, but I wasn't linking diet and self realization together they way they were in my case. I chuckled to myself that perhaps the ego that needed looking at here wasn't mine, but theirs.

It turns out the problem with these kinds of diets is that seratonin levels get interrupted and are easily put back into balance with the right supplements. There are temporary replacements for this deficiency that is no longer coming through in specific diets. Whew, what a relief! I tried a little tweeking of vitamins and minerals, some herbs and voila! I'm feeling much better. Like my old self again.

The regimen is short, just 40 days. I'll stick with it and at the rate I'm going, I'm happy with my results. I am reminded again by this experience that nobody knows me better than I know myself and that if it there's advice I'm considering that doesn't make sense or work for me, I should keep looking. I trust my instincts. Bullshit is everywhere. It's not always easy to find the truth but it's definitely worth looking for and when I find it, I just know. It "feels" right, bullshit feels wrong.

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